anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
