how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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