I accidentally had phone sex last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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