You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
