in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
