It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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