i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
