As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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