Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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