Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
