woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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