Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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