pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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