he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In America we eat man semen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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