The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
