Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will be naked everywhere
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
