EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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