Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
