Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
