1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
