hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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