it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
