when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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