my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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