Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
