I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
