my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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