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OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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