he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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