She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?