well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.