She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.