My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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