I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
