Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
