You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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