then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
smell my finger.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
