It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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