Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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