You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
