if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
