I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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