Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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