he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
