OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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