In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
