I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
