porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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