Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize