What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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