you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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