There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
