I wish i was in the wii world.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Found the puke drawer
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
