So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
