I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
