that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
