woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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