Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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