I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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