3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
