Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
