I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
