Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
