I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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