12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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