The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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