I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.