I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.