wanna go halves on a baby?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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