Betty ford says i'm here all night
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dating After Heartbreak
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably