So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.