Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.