whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
